It is already all right.
There are a handful of people in my life that have kept me off the ledge and been instrumental in me transcending my pain and moving on to the next level. Scott is one of those people. 25 years ago, was a difficult time personally and professionally. I do not have the room or the inclination to tell the whole story of Scott and Katie, but there is a part of the story that has continued as a thread through these last two decades. In the midst of battling my demons and the world at the same time, Scott would say, “Would you rather be happy, or would you rather be right?”. At the time this infuriated me. My brain screaming, “F-you! I want to be happy, and I am right!”. To this day I can call Scott and say, “Well, do I want to be happy, or do I want to be right?” He is the perfect sounding board to help me through those moments. Sometimes happy and right are mutually exclusive, and sometimes I need to turn the matter upside down until they co-exist.
The more enduringly meaningful phrase was, “It is already all right.”. Again, my brain screams, “F-you! It is not all right! I am not all right!” It has taken decades of growth, but that phrase has become a trigger for perspective and serenity. We often discuss triggers in the context of trauma or substance use as these negative people, places, and things that lead to negative thoughts and self-harming actions. But a trigger is simply a well-worn path in the brain. You can create triggers to calm, to sleep, to feel joy.
I think, “It is already all right.” I can feel my body relax, my breath deepens, whether imagined or real, a huge smile crosses my face. It is a cat that ate the canary smile. It is that Scott gave me the key to unlock the secret smile. I have so much love and compassion for that angry thrashing lost woman who felt nothing was all right. The peace this phrase has given me is unmeasurable. From that space of “It is already all right.”, there is a serenity and clarity that allows me to spring into action or inaction – whichever is most appropriate.
I have told Scott how amazing he is and has been. I have tried to pass on everything he has gifted me with 10-fold. It is my hope that this blog continues that legacy.
May you find that trigger today that induces peace and joy.
